• My Spouse Has A Gambling Problem
• I Think My Wife Has A Gambling Problem
• My Wife Has A Gambling Problem

A gambling addiction or problem is often associated with other behavior or mood disorders. Many problem gamblers also suffer with substance abuse issues, unmanaged ADHD, stress, depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder. To overcome your gambling problems, you’ll also need to address these and any other underlying causes as well. . “The wife’s gambling addiction has strained the family finances to the point where the bills can no longer be paid. Instead of facing the real issue, the husband arranges to skip a mortgage payment and opens yet another line of credit.”. My poison of choice was not poker machines, but online gambling. Racing, the thoroughbreds, the trots, the dogs — I wasn't fussy, so long as I could get a bet on and fuel that addiction. If you are already in the process of litigating custody and need to prove that your ex has a gambling addiction, you have some work ahead. There are methods to obtain the evident and show it to the court to support your custody case.

Obviously, not everyone who gambles has a problem. Many people enjoy gambling as a social activity without it threatening their financial security or family relationships. Nonetheless, gambling can lead to addiction and serious consequences for those who can’t control the impulse. With as many as 3-5 out of every 100 gamblers, and as many as 750,000 young people ages 14-21 having a gambling addition, gambling can be compared to handling fire — it can either be used to your advantage, or seriously hurt you.

My Spouse Has A Gambling Problem

How can you tell when someone you love is developing a gambling problem? At what point does it become an addiction? These are questions you may be afraid to contemplate, but recognizing and admitting are the first steps to helping your spouse overcome a gambling problem and avoid further devastating consequences.

A Gambling Problem: Recognizing the Signs

A gambling problem is defined as behavior that disrupts life, even if it’s not out of control. The reasons for excessive gambling vary, but many people use it to alleviate stress or feelings of incompetency. The following signs may indicate your spouse has a gambling problem:

• Increasing preoccupation with gambling that consumes excessive time and money
• Feeling the need to try to recap losses instead of calling it quits
• Gambling that has a negative effect on mood, behavior, relationships, and financial stability

Basically, there may have a problem if you’re worried about your spouse’s behavior. Once recognized, it’s important to calmly confront your spouse and discuss how to handle it together. Extreme responses of ignoring/passively enabling the problem, or issuing ultimatums are not effective because they will allow it to escalate. The confrontations can also make your spouse feel attacked and defensive, which could lead to covert gambling.

Ideally, gambling problems can be resolved without outside help. It’s important to pinpoint your spouse’s reasons for gambling and create a game plan for addressing their underlying motivations and trigger points.

The Defining Line of Addiction: Loss of Control

There is a fine but distinct line between a gambling problem and a gambling addiction, but it can be summed up in this phrase: loss of control. Someone with a gambling problem may be on the path to an addiction, but they are still able to maintain some sense of control. In the case of an addition, the impulse to gamble calls the shots. Here are the major signs.

• Obsession with gambling. Gambling becomes so important and all-consuming that it takes priority over financial stability, relationships, and physical well-being.
• Inability to stop. As with other addictions, your spouse may recognize they have a problem and even try to rein it in, but are unable to control it on their own.
• Psychological withdrawal. When addicts aren’t able to gamble, they’re likely to become restless, irritable, and otherwise disturbed.
• Secretive, dishonest, or illegal behavior. As a gambling addict’s finances get worse, they may resort to desperate measures to continue their behavior without detection or immediate consequences.
• Denial. Addicts often have difficulty admitting they have a serious problem. The illusion of control is what continues to twist their minds into rationalizing their behavior.

Your spouse might have a diagnosable compulsive gambling disorder if these signs describe him or her, and it may be time to seek outside help through group therapy sessions or individual counseling. Gambling can be a fun pastime, or it can be a serious problem too. It’s important to recognize the difference between a hobby, a problem, and an addition, and respond in a way that protects your relational and financial health.

Updated September 04, 2017 16:45:46

I'm a gambling addict. Three years ago, I was convicted of white collar fraud, after I stole over $130,000 from my employer to fuel an insatiable addiction.

My poison of choice was not poker machines, but online gambling.

Racing, the thoroughbreds, the trots, the dogs — I wasn't fussy, so long as I could get a bet on and fuel that addiction.

The bets would range anywhere between $5,000 and $20,000 a day. I would bet until 3:00am, try to sleep for three hours and bet again for another three hours on online racing in the United States.

I always thought the stereotypical gambling addict was a working-class middle-aged man or woman, sitting at their local club, feeding their favourite pokies machine four or five nights a week.

But I rarely ventured into the local TAB.

Betting while the kids were in the bath

At the zenith of my addiction, I was married with two beautiful young children and working as a finance manager at a local council.

When I was with my family, I was physically there — but mentally, I was miles away, thinking about gambling: when I could next bet, where would the money come from, whether I could back a winner.

I thought about gambling 24/7. I placed bets at home, at work, the shops — basically everywhere and anywhere I could get reception on my phone.

I would be walking with the kids and our dog, yet I'd still be trying to place bets. I would even bet and watch the races on the phone while the kids were in the bath.

A knock at the door

I had been thinking about stealing to solve some of my debt problems for months, but I couldn't do it because I knew the consequences would be dire.

I Think My Wife Has A Gambling Problem

Then one evening, I had a visit from two large men with a baseball bat, strongly suggesting it would be in my best interests to repay a sizable debt that was due that week.

They punched me and threatened to use the baseball bat 'next time'.

I was left bruised and battered from their warning. It was a seriously scary moment; I still occasionally have flashbacks and it sends chills through my body.

That night, I made the decision to steal from work. I felt physically sick and fidgety; my mind wouldn't stop racing. I knew it was wrong, but I did it — knowing I could one day get caught.

The first time is without a doubt the hardest — but once you've done it, stealing becomes easier.

Listen to the program

My Wife Has A Gambling Problem

I had nothing to lose. That's how I 'reasoned' it.

However, stealing became another problem to add to my list.

I was constantly worried about being caught. When someone knocked on my office door, when I got a phone call, when my boss called me to a meeting, I was never quite sure.

The fear was slowly killing me, but I couldn't confess, couldn't turn back. I was on a knife-edge with no solution, no way out.

It was a Monday morning when I was finally caught. I was called into the CEO's office and they presented me with the overwhelming evidence.

I was caught red-handed, but I still denied it. I knew my career was over and that jail was not far away.

But at that stage, I had a small sense of relief. No more looking over my back. The lying and deceitfulness could stop.

On the inside

When I was caught and sentenced to jail, the gambling addicts I met in the prison system had similar stories to mine. They were middle-aged, smart, well-educated men from good upbringings, all addicts to racing and not the pokies — certainly not the stereotypical gambling addicts I had imagined.

My addiction cost me everything. I lost my job, all my material possessions including house, car, everything I owned.

But that pales into insignificance to the lost relationships.

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My marriage disintegrated, I lost access to my children, I don't talk to my family and I'm no longer on speaking terms with most of my friends. I don't blame them.

During my year in jail, I had enough time to reflect on all the damage it had caused and when I was to be released I knew I couldn't go back to that lifestyle.

You get far too much time to reflect in jail. I was constantly thinking about the kids, but I didn't decide to quit gambling because of them. The constant stress and 24/7 of thinking about gambling had destroyed me: physically, emotionally, and financially.

I knew if I didn't stop gambling it would kill me.

Get help before it's too late

I write this not because I find it a cathartic experience, but because I hope that it helps others to seek help before it's too late. Or for family and friends of addicts to intervene and offer support.

For people 'on the edge' or thinking about committing fraud, the solution is simple: get help.

Seek support before you hit rock bottom. The help that suited me the most was from my psychologist, one-on-one extended chats — but for others it may be Gamblers Anonymous.

For the family and friends of addicts: please don't give up on them, it's a horrendous disease and they need all the support you can give.

Life in 2017 is certainly not perfect, but it's a damn sight better than it has been.

I've got regular access to my children, I'm rebuilding lost relationships, I've found some temporary work — and I haven't had a bet since 2014.

Topics:gambling, internet-culture, family-and-children, fraud-and-corporate-crime, law-crime-and-justice, australia

First posted September 04, 2017 12:14:41